not there yet

I know I wrote a couple months ago about sanctification and how encouraging it is to know that I am not the same as I used to be.

And then lately, there have been a couple not-so-subtle reminders about the miles and miles I still have ahead of me.

A little background info (I promise- it's pertinent)... My senior year of college I lived with the most fabulous group of girls. These girls were (and are!) silly and lovely and serious in their pursuit of Jesus. However, for whatever reason, I didn't take full advantage of some of those relationships. I think I chose to play a role in that group that closed me off from a lot of the growth that those relationships might've provided... I chose a role of exuberance. And selfishness. I was terrific at talking (about myself) and being excited (probably mostly about myself as well) and not great at listening or encouraging. And I regret that so much, y'all... Because I've gotten to know a few of those girls better since graduation (I know, ironic, since we now are scattered all about the country) and LOVE them. They are voices of encouragement and strength and perseverance to me. Why, oh why, didn't I take advantage of this sooner?

And so, now, I try to be very careful about playing that role. Some people are fantastic and humble when they play the exuberant role in a group- just not me. I want so much to be a listener and an encourager and to shed that former part of me. Which is why it is so rough on me to see that not-sanctified part cropping up again and again.

I'm sorry if I have run over you lately in my exuberance or selfishness... Sorry if there has been more talking than listening or less sensitivity than you've needed. It might be awhile like this, but I'm working on it (or rather, the Lord is). I'm just not there yet...